finding oneself Archives | Sheryl Steines

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We Always Have a Choice – What Is Yours?

Choices We Might Not Want to Make

What choice to you have when life intervenes? We have choices. In every situation, we can do something, or we can do nothing. We might not always like the choices we have in front of us, but they are uniquely ours to make.

I didn’t choose to suffer from infertility, but I had choices on how I would complete my family. I didn’t expect to give birth to a terminally ill child, but I did and I had several choices to make when it came to her care and how to give her a good quality of life.

When my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD, severe anxiety, and OCD, I wasn’t happy to be embarking down this new path, but as a mother, we do what we need to do in order to give our children a better chance at a happy and healthy life. And when my youngest came out as transgender, I felt an overwhelming crush of stress. I almost let it beat me.

Consciously Choosing

I didn’t like the pity party that I found myself in. I made a choice. Living in that party and alienating myself from friends and disconnecting from life was not the right path for me. I wouldn’t let my life beat me up and win.

It takes a lot of resolve and energy to change your thought process, to change your attitude. There are a lot of ups and downs, and when I think that I’m moving upwards, the universe sends me something else. Eleven hours after the new year, I discovered my daughter was suffering from something new. And in an instant, 2020 wasn’t looking like it would be any better than 2019.

So What Choice Did I Make?

I won’t give in. Rather, I’m finding new ways to fill my life with experiences rather than stuff, to not wallow in the sadness and anger and to not allow myself to be weighed down by the overwhelming dark stuff. Things that aren’t so easy, that put me outside of my comfort zone.

I jogged for the first time this week. Maybe a quarter mile, maybe a half, during my walk. I’ve never been a running; I usually give up after a block. But this time, I got tired and stopped and walked for a while and then jogged again. I kept pushing myself. I was tired. Next time, I’ll go farther. If only a step.

It might seem like small stuff, but each experience rounds out a full life. It takes one step at a time. One step at a time to move into the light from the dark, to find peace, love and friendship. Life is static, it moves quickly and if you don’t pay attention it will most definitely pass you by.

My growing list of new experiences:

Belly dancing (totally out of my comfort zone)

Rock climbing (indoors at first)

Soul cycle

Tearto Zin Zani

An American Ninja Warrior gym (accomplish one obstacle and then we’ll see)

Run a 5K

Travel more

Cairo, Illinois (abandoned town)

And the list will continue… What are some of your most memorable experiences and what would you recommend?

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Journey – Star Wars An Epic Fantasy Tradition

Re-written from July, 2013

I speak of a journey. Whether it's the one we take from the minute we're born to the day we die or the smaller journeys in the in between. The stuff that makes up our life, our legacy. The journey with an end goal, working toward an accomplishment of a dream.

I'm drawn to stories about these journey's to find oneself because I undertook one of those when I finally decided to honor my seven-year old self and write my first book.

And luckily one of my most favorite epic fantasy journey's has been featured on-line, in Facebook, and I just finished watching it.

Star Wars – Luke's Journey

I was nine years old and I still remember my dad asking if we wanted to see a movie called “Star Awards”. It was so new, I had no idea what he was talking about.

It was one of those experiences that from the minute the opening scrolled across the screen with the musical background, that a smile grew across my face. One that didn't leave, long after the final credits.

Star Wars just happens to be one of those movies that I can watch and re-watch, always entertained, always amazed by this simple epic fantasy.

I will always contend the story is an epic fantasy, that just because the story is filled with blasters, light sabers, the X-wing fighters, it's so much more than Science Fiction. It is at its core, a story about a boy who unbeknownst to himself, is about to take a life changing journey. And just like every epic fantasy, he will learn of his royal heritage, he will become the reluctant hero and he will discover his true self and what he is capable of. All this accomplished in a strange new world, with characters and creatures unlike our own, in a place with rules that are unfamiliar to life as we know it. 

My Own Journey

It's much like my own life, my own journey. From the moment I opened my first document and wrote Chapter 1, and let the words pour from my head to my fingers, as I typed variations of twenty-six letters that became 100,000 words, I to find myself in an unfamiliar world, discovering jus what I am made of .

Star Wars, a simple, elegant story, rough and primitive, that is almost as old as I am. The nine-year old in me still watches with a smile on my face, simple joy at a story worth re-telling. And in honor of May the 4th be with you, may you all find yourself and your own journey.

 

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