A girl lived her life as a spectator to her life, and hadn’t really thought of what she wanted, except, she wanted to be a writer and she wanted to travel. It also made of moments; that single second of time when your life moves from one of control and understanding, to one that is scaring, confusing, unknown.
My life can be lived in those moments, before and after. Before I graduated college, I thought my good grades, dean’s list, and internship would be enough to get a job after college. The moment I received the diploma, I learned life has other plans.
I could list the moments, they were plentiful, but the moment that affected me most, was the moment between being pregnant and being not, when my daughter was born and she didn’t cry. She didn’t cry and in that moment, I asked, “Now what?”
That moment changed everything and my life became pre-Stephanie and post-Stephanie, meaning from her birth to her death. I dreamt about that moment for years, it haunted me.
I’ve seen several more moments like that as an adult. I think in a way, that has made me view Covid-19 as another blip, another moment, another small journey in which to overcome.
But the pandemic, the quarantine at home, all of it, came in the middle of a more disastrous moment for me. The moment when I realized that I should quit writing, quit trying to obtain the dream I had since I was seven years old. To put that into perspective, that’s forty-five years. I’ve spent the last eleven years deep in working for that, deep in the marketing, writing, editing, social media, book covers, Beta readers, ARC readers. You get the point.
It’s just another moment, another journey, another discovery of who I am, what I’m capable of.
Becoming a writer is more than writing, editing, publishing on Amazon. Sometimes all you need is sheer luck.
It’s how you look at those moments that surprise you, scare you, hurt you, annoy you. It’s how you respond to them, how you pick your way through each issue, each thing that bumps into you.
What are you willing to risk, to lose, in order to gain, in order to survive, in order to find the light on at the end of the next journey, the other side of that single moment.
Twenty-one years after my daughter died, after what I assumed would be the worst moment of my life, I’ve learned that worst, best, hardest, easiest, is all in how you perceive. While I think I’ve suffered through more than my fair share of problems, issues, doctors, specialists, I have come through each moment with clarity. I will come through the latest and the newest like I always do. The best I can. I have writing to keeping me grounded and balanced, I do yoga to take care of myself, and I let the losses go and hope that the next moment will leave me with new additions.
That bad always passes. And they can be a gift if we take the lessons they teach, with us as we move to our next journey, adventure and on to the next moment that can take our breath away, good or bad. It will pass, I keep telling myself. And as I struggle with this point in my writing journey, again, I know, it’s time to pick myself up, do something different and take a new path on the journey.
My journeys are woven throughout my books and channeled into my heroine, Annie Pearce. For an escape, learn how I channel my own ups and down, check out The Wizard Hall Chronicles today.