Fear is an unpleasant emotion. Fear is not knowing if someone or something will hurt you, cause you pain or threaten you. Really, it's fear of the unknown and that's scary and it can cause you to stand still, not move forward, even though, there's something at the end of the journey that you really, really want.
For me, my fear is caused by knowing that by continuing to do what I'm doing, isn't going to change the outcome. For me, doing the same thing is going to keep me in the same place, and the end of the journey, that light, that desire, is going to be farther and farther away.
I should be is flying high with the upcoming publication of my fifth book. The problem is, I'm not selling the first four. I'm not making money to put back into the books so that I can write more, so that I can live the dream I've had since I was seven years old.
It's like a hole in the gut, that hovers and spreads. And rather than trying other ways to market the books and reach audiences that would enjoy them, I find myself paralyzed with fear, unable to do anything at all.
So what do you do when you want something so very badly and what you've done up to that point hasn't gotten you any closer to that dream. Are you fearful of taking the next step or do you push it all aside and take one more step, write one more page, publish one more book?
I chose to write, to continue creating works, to try new genres. But it still stings that I've worked so hard to create good work and their not going anywhere. But, I'm still writing with the idea that we'll see what we'll see when the time comes.
I haven't quite given up yet, and yet, I kinda did.
It's almost like I'm a gambler at a machine, and it's just one more pull, one more quarter; I'm still hanging on.
For me, it's a matter of working around the fear. Starting almost at the beginning, almost starting over. I'm revamping the social media in that I'm sharing myself online to connect with people, with no expectations.
I'm going to put my health back at the forefront. Over the last several years, the aches and pains have been making it more difficult to workout, to walk, to sit. I'm going back on Body 4 Life, an all inclusive diet and exercise plan that will force me to feed my body with solid workouts and healthy food.
Hobbies. Yeah. I haven't completed a craft project in years. I'll be doing that again. I need to give myself time to recharge and relax. Something I haven't allowed myself in many months.
I'm writing with no expectations. Short stories, new genres, and new characters and expanding my writing experience.
Sometimes to stop the writer's block and fight the fear, you have to put yourself out there, shake things up and just push forward without expecting anything.
Fear is a paralyzer, its also a great way to push yourself. And from now on, I'll push but do it gently and give myself time to heal and time to love and be proud of my accomplishments.