I decided this year is my year of gaining experiences and not a year of acquiring more things. It's not so much that I'm going to jump out of an airplane any time soon, it mostly has to do with saying yes and putting myself out there by trying new things. It's about putting away the anxiety and just living.
It's about traveling because that is one of the few things I've always wanted to do. It's about finding a job that gives me confidence and maybe a little satisfaction. It's about not letting the weight of all of the issues wear me down.
While my biggest dream and goal is to be a writer who can support myself with royalties and such, it's not happening any time soon. It's about moving forward regardless of the set backs.
I went to Aruba two weeks ago. I never really had a dream to go there, but there it was, an experience thrown in my lap. I had roughly two days. It was quick, it was tiring, a little fun even. I think we saw everything you could see and it was nice to be in the 84 degree weather instead of at home in the 30 degrees.
I like to plan, this wasn't a plan. This was pick yourself up and go. It was pushing aside the anxiety of travel and just enjoying being away from home. Forgetting that while flying standby, things might not go as you hoped. It's traveling international and having to stand in the security line and then U.S. Customs while still in Aruba and then going through security again and not losing your composure, stomping your feet or getting frustrated by the process.
Learning to accept is far less stressful. Saying yes is more enjoyable, even when there are doubts.
Yoga. I've been practicing yoga on and off for twenty years. At one point of was consistent, twice a week, and growing stronger. I hurt my back, I had two shoulder surgeries. I was off for two years.
When you come back to an activity like yoga, or lifting weights or running, there is a period of time when your body will ache, you will be tired, you will want to quit.
I didn't quit.
Instead, I dealt with the inabilty to twist a certain way and the muscle aches afterwards. I fought through it and within weeks, I found myself growing stronger and finding my poise and grace when I practice.
Recently I went to a yoga event. The class was hard, but I powered through, i learned a little something from this teacher I never met and I felt good challenging myself to something new.
I take in the lessons of yoga. I learned to take in the teachings. I have a new respect for myself and what my body can do. I'm proud of the strength I've gained, I'm proud I didn't give up.
I'm learning, it only took me 51 years to do so. You have control over how you react to what happens around you. You can choose to not let it bother you. You can choose to have fun, live in the moment, even when the rest of your life feels as though its crashing in around you.
I'm putting myself first. I'm taking care of myself, nourishing myself with good food, and good exercise. I'm taking it one step at a time. That's all I'm asking. Just one step at a time.