I don’t give myself enough credit. I dwell on the failures rather than the successes. When my books didn’t sell I assumed it was poorly written, maybe it wasn’t that bad, maybe it was as simple as my inability to market via social media. Or maybe it was a lack of confidence in myself and my work. Without thinking it was any good, was I really going to sell it or myself?
When you’re shy and an introvert, it’s hard to bring attention to yourself anyway, and if you lack confidence, it’s even that much harder. Do you really want the attention and what if the book really sucks, can you in good consciousness sell it?
When I finished my book the first time around, I really believed in it. And when the second book was published I was far more confident in that one having learned something about writing and editing. But I received three bad reviews in a row. They were so bad that I couldn’t speak for a week. Every time I did, I’d burst into tears. The honest truth is I was set to quit. Throw it all away. If it wasn’t for two people who encouraged me to continue because they believed I had something there, I would have.
The reviews for She Wulf nearly destroyed me and what little confidence I had in myself was gone. I tried to put it aside and work on the third book, move the stories forward and hope that those who were fans, would continue to like the series. I started three different books and couldn’t focus on which would be the next in the series. I took time off, I rethought what it was that I wanted to do. And when it came down to it, I knew I wanted to write. I still believed in the characters and I didn’t know what else I would do with myself.
I made changes. I completely re-wrote The Day of First Sun. I can’t wait to share it because out of all the versions, this is most definitely the book that I want to release and that I’m proud of and confident in. I restructured the series and I’m still having trouble with the second book because I want it to be fun and exciting and what I had written, was that. But it will be.
After changing my social media, I was discussing with my team my frustration at the entire process. I told her some of my future projects and we talked. And she said to me, “You have a lot to say and you should say it.”
As I work on the final edition of The Day of First Sun, as I write the first draft of Black Market, I’m working on my voice. Finding it and sharing it. And in the process of sharing my experience, my ups and downs, my lack of confidence, I learned a few things about myself. I’m capable of great things and I have a great support system around me who believe in me. When they tell me, so I realize that I have something valuable to say and to share and if it inspires others or helps them through something, than it is all worth it.