Tonight I removed The Day of First Sun and She Wulf from Amazon. I'm sad and yet I'm so very relieved. I've been struggling for a little over a year with my idea of where I was going to where I actually was standing and they were worlds apart. I never fully recovered from really bad reviews and it's sent me into a tail spin ever since. The thing is, I still believe that I have a really good idea worth reading and pursuing, I just think now after so many years, the best place for me is, if I'm going to start the book series over, I need everything to start from scratch. That includes no longer selling the version of the books that will be gone as of this summer.
If I didn't really believe in the books, I could have just let them fester in cyberspace forever, not really selling them, letting them rot and maybe once and awhile someone might decide to buy a copy, just because. But I actually do believe in them. I love the characters, I love the premise of the series. And if I spend so much time rewriting the first book, shouldn't I give it a chance to succeed on its own and not be tied into the old book and the old reviews?
Yeah. That was my thought too. I do feel like crying. It's like going to sleep with two arms and waking up with only one. A large chunk of my life is tied to those books. A lot of tears went into them. A lot of tears convinced me it's time to take them down, make a fresh start and prepare for the next phase, the revisions of the stories that are so much a part of me, I'd miss them if they were truly gone.
It's a great time to do this with the New Year just starting. I'm finishing up the new book two, I'm waiting on my editor for the new book one and I will have two books to share with everyone by this summer. That I can guarantee. If I didn't believe in myself I wouldn't be putting myself through so much pain. I guess I'm just that type of person who needs to do it more than once to make it work.
You can't be afraid to throw it all away and start again. You have to believe in yourself and in your vision before you can make it happen. And sometimes, you have to start from scratch. It may seem like a complete waste of time and some people have asked me why I don't just write something else. I just can't. I need to finish what I started and see it to the end. Annie and Cham deserve that and I deserve the chance to live out my dream.
I'm not done. This blog will so go on and I have a new project I'm working on as I finish up my two new fiction books. I learned something tonight. I have a voice, I have something valuable to say. So I'm going to just say it.