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My Weirdly Profound Way to Find Confidence

My Weirdly Profound Way to Find Confidence

As a Television Junkie…

I’m a television junkie, who in what I choose to watch, oftentimes finds strength and confidence. My choices run in cycles. I can be hooked on re-runs of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Charmed, only to grow restless for something different. There’s been cycles with the Big Bang Theory or MASH and recently Gilmore Girls. Always choosing shows that have a personal connection, whether it was to a storyline or to a character.

Confidence and Gilmore Girls

My cycle now is an attachment to shows in which the female lead is struggling through a life event or doggedly pursuing a life’s goal. As much as I watched Gilmore Girls, I came to realize that I didn’t need every episode to satisfy this weird need. Just a handful of episodes held personal meaning for me. Right now, storylines about Lorelei buying and running her very own country inn, in both the original and the reboot, grab my attention and hold on tightly.

I’ve re-watched the fourth season as if it were my blue print for becoming a successful author. I cry when Lorelei cries, or cheer her on as though I’m unaware of the outcome. In that experience, I gain an odd sense of strength and confidence.

My New Obsession

Grace and Frankie. Though I’m considerably younger than any of the main characters, and have nothing in common with them, I’m drawn to them and their struggles. It’s a familiar theme of surviving a difficult change in life; trying desperately to pick oneself up off the ground and move forward. I’m not divorced and/or in my 70s but I do understand how difficult it is to discover yourself and how to achieve a dream. This hilarious show, and even funnier season, I can’t stop watching the emotional roller coaster that comes with starting their own business. Yeah even selling vibrators come with unique challenges.

Choking back the tears, Grace and Frankie fight for their demographic, for their product with doubt and confidence at the same time. With each step they take forward, I can almost touch their goals too.

You Must Watch Gracie and Frankie Here

 

 

 

Go Get ‘Em Girl – Lorelei Gilmore

Go Get ‘Em Girl – Lorelei Gilmore

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Art imitates life. As I work towards obtaining my goal of writing for a living, publishing and selling my books, I found myself flocking to television shows that reflected my current journey.

I’ve been obsessed with shows before. It started with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I probably watched the entire show from pilot to finale three times, before I could no longer watch anymore. Leaving me to watch only the episodes that I truly love. I did it with Charmed and Supernatural too.

So as I searched for my newest obsession, I rediscovered Gilmore Girls. I’d already seen the entire series, but this time, there was something else. Lorelei Gilmore was opening her dream, The Dragonfly Inn.

I know this is only a television show. I know she’s not real and The Dragonfly Inn is a fake set in California, but I relate to the sentiment.

I’ve said it here many times. I knew at the age of 7, I wanted to be a writer. I started crafting my own stories, modeled after the Nancy Drew book series. I created characters, dropped them into adventures and most importantly turned my day dreams into living, breathing stories.

And then life comes in and drags you down several paths, some your choice, others outside forces pull you somewhere else. After many years, I finally got a chance to go back to my dream, much like Lorelei. We both stepped off that cliff, took a chance. She opened her own inn, I published a book. I re-watch the episodes with a new point of view. I get emotional, it inspires me, I dream big. I can do this too. Yes I can.

My brain never shuts down. Stories and characters scream in my head, begging to be let out. I can’t write fast enough to get all the ideas out on paper. I get anxious the closer I move toward publishing my book, to selling at Comic Con, to finding a publisher. And watching this amazing, strong, ambitious, character in Lorelei, achieve her dream, makes me laugh and cry, sometimes in that ugly cry sorta way.

Go get ’em Lorelei Gilmore, because if there’s a dream, there’s a way.

To order my dream, The Day of First Sun check out Amazon.com.

The Day of First Sun - Copy to Use

 

Top 10 Things I Miss About Being a Stay at Home Mom

Top 10 Things I Miss About Being a Stay at Home Mom

Been there. Done that. Today.

 

I recently got a job. I know, you roll your eyes because you too, work full-time. Well I haven’t worked full-time since before my children were born. That would be sixteen years to be specific. Since then, I’ve been at home, a volunteer in the classroom, running to the doctor’s office, grocery story, Tae Kwon Do, softball, basketball. You get the picture.

The job is contractual and I’m done October 1. I look very forward to it. So in honor of Mother’s Day I thought I’d share a few thoughts about why I miss being a stay-at-home mom and remember they’re in no particular order.

  1. My kids. Actually what I really miss is taking them places. No, I hate driving around for hours at a time. But at least while we’re in the car I have a chance to talk to them. They might not want to talk to me but at least they see and hear me.
  2. Sleeping in. It used to be 8:30 in the morning. Now sleeping in is roughly 5:30am. That is if I don’t have to wash my hair in the morning.
  3. Procrastinating. Yeah there’s something in the idea that there’s always time tomorrow. You might not get as much done but eventually you will.
  4. Napping. That’s self explanatory, because really who doesn’t like a good nap in the middle of the day?
  5. I miss stuff for my kids. I don’t like that. I’ve missed doctor’s appointments and track meets. I can’t always take off and be there, that’s a little disconcerting.
  6. Working on my book for lengthy periods of time. Now I have only a few hours and it might take all that time to finally get into the      groove. Now I have to accept a sentence as being good enough.
  7. Getting all my errands done when no one is around. It’s awfully crowded after work. I much prefer daytime shopping.
  8. Re-runs of Gilmore Girls. Since they’re on at 10 am I’m just not around to watch them. For some reason that show just make me happy.
  9. Not feeling so tired all the time. It’s exhausting getting up early and I can’t quite figure out how to make it to bed before 10:30 pm.
  10. Lunching with the ladies. Okay I really don’t lunch with the ladies but I could if I wanted to when I was at home. It’s simply knowing that makes it  worthwhile.

I’ve gotta admit though, the bonus to working outside the house is continuity, and having a place to go. It’s also about talking to real adults, gaining experience and possibly bringing something to my writing. Though I’m not writing as much as I’d like, I find myself far more productive in other ways and for that, I guess the experience is worth it. Not to mention at the end of the day, there’s always a pay check to enjoy.

It’s a change, and in the end I’m sure I’ll be used to it, just as the contract writing gig winds it’s way down and is done. Happy Mother’s Day!

Guilt Free TV Surfing Is Not as Much Fun as You’d Think

Guilt Free TV Surfing Is Not as Much Fun as You’d Think

Four weeks ago I had leg surgery. Actually, I had about a mile of varicose veins removed from my left leg because of a superficial blood clot in my leg. So when expecting to be down for any length of time at all, what do you think of doing. Watch television, catch up on a few books, paint a masterpiece. Silly me, I thought the down time would give me serious writing time to finish my book.

I wasn’t really supposed to do anything and as the doctor pulled and cut those nasty little veins, she asked me what I had planned for my downtime. Did I have a lot of books and movies to watch. Had a planned ahead of time I could have knocked off a bucket list item and watched every Star Wars movie in a row. Really couldn’t do much else. I told the doctor, seriously, I was planning on working on my book. I swear I saw her eyes roll and heard something akin to a snort.

I had the best of intentions. Really I did. My computer sat on the coffee table. I think I might have checked email. What I hadn’t realized is how much it hurt to have those veins removed. I spent the first day grunting and groaning when I moved or stood up to use the bathroom. And when I wasn’t moving, I spent time wondering how the doctor removed those nasty veins without tying them off. Though still to this day, it wigs me out a little thinking about it.

So instead of planning for what was really going to happen, I sat on the couch with my leg up and channel surfed. I promised myself, the first day off. So that meant guilt free ESPN, Gilmore Girls, Sex and the City, Murder She Wrote, Monk, Avatar the Last Airbender, (which happens to be one of my favorites). Not so bad. Only three more days. And that’s where the problem started.

Day two, I pulled out the computer, stared at the screen and put it away. The Day of First Sun sat there mocking me. It never happened. I re-watched television shows. I changed the channel, read a book, and fidgeted with the compression stocking that was so tight I was losing feeling in my toes.

It might sound fun, guilt free channel surfing. It’s not. It’s mind numbing and boring, especially when there’s so many more important things to get done. Like writing a book. Which finally happened. I’m pleased to say, The Day of First Sun is with several beta readers. I hope I never have to take that much down time without the ability to do something. Anything. recuperating, not as much fun as it sounded.

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