The Dream as it Slips Away

The Dream as it Slips Away

I started to work full-time this year because frankly, I wasn’t selling any books. I was marketing. Twitter, Facebook, blogs, you name it I was throwing it out there. I just wasn’t selling any books. One sure way to find the market to buy your product is to advertise, so rather than going broke trying to market my product, I took a job last March to pay for the whole shebang.

My life has become an endless tedious quest for the prize and though I can’t give it up, because I really don’t know what I’d do if I did that, sometimes I wonder when will enough be enough. I work full-time, drive the kids around to their things, grocery shop, put the clothes away, clean the kitchen, you know the stuff that has to get done. Sometimes that stuff gets pushed to the side because I have to edit or write the blog or tweet or a host of other things that hopefully will need me to where I want to be. It leaves very little time for friends, for relaxing, for going to the doctor, an appointment I needed to schedule six months ago and well, I haven’t done it yet.

The more engaged I become in the job I now have, the more I feel as though that dream is slipping away because something is about to break. Most likely me of a nervous breakdown. But then someone like Snooki publishes a fourth book and I wonder again if I should even try.

The dream doesn’t completely slip away because I still have a plan and a desire for something more than that average 8-4 job. I have places I want to revisit, or trek to for the first time, I have experiences I want to experience, and there’s a career that I really want to have.

The job is stressful, it’s a new industry and something that’s completely out of my comfort zone. It reminds me everyday that I have gotten close to where I want to be and sometimes, it’s simply depressing. But sometimes, that negative is what you need to push yourself. I’m not really running out of time. Everyday is the beginning of the future and everyday, is one step closer.

To quit or not to quit will always cross my mind, but so does try and do.

 

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